dawn’s journey from submissive to slave

My journey from a submissive to a slave

Sometimes it’s hard to sit here and put into words something that so changed my life. How do you put into words what drives you to pull out a piece of yourself and try to live a fantasy life with it? Then, how it becomes not just a fantasy, but your life, your being?

It is very hard for me to put into words my journey from submissive to slave. I don’t even remember if it was a goal of mine or that I understood the difference between the two until it happened.

When Dan and I decided to move into together, we knew that we were going to give D/s a try on a deeper level than we had done before. Before it was ….well, not so much ‘play’….but it wasn’t 24/7. We were only D/s during certain times that we had set up before hand. This little taste of D/s became a very real craving for me. The times of submission that I experienced spoke to my soul. I needed to submit to Dan. I enjoyed that fear that happened from trusting him and that growth that happened when I walked through the fears. I enjoyed trusting someone so completely. That is where my empowerment came from. I’ve had a distrust of people for a long time and a distrust of myself. To totally let that go and trust that my Dominant had my best interest at heart, was very heady for me. Though I struggled with some of the commands, I wanted to let go more and more. I resisted and even as a submissive, I still questioned some of the things that he had me do. I didn’t want to question. I wanted to be completely his and totally trusting of what he would have me do.

I worked on that, not knowing where it would lead me, but knowing that is where I wanted to be. I stopped pointing things out to him that I wanted him to recognize. I trusted that he knew me well enough to know what I needed. I stopped asking questions or at least knew how to ask the questions with respect. I sank deeper and deeper into my submission to Him. Those that knew me knew that I put Him first. And I did. Taking care of Him was my goal and serving Him was my true passion.

Then, there came a day that I stopped asking ‘why’. I just did as I was told and believed that is what I was supposed to do. I took care of Him as completely as I could. My mind was always on how I could serve Him. The resistence had left. We both recognized that I had become slave. No trumpets, no fanfare. It just was. I then understood the difference between submissive and slave. It is beyond words. It is a way of being. It is who I am.

Today, a belt was wrapped around my neck and I was pulled down to kiss His feet. I obeyed instantly and completely. No question as to why this was happening or if it was punishment or reward or anything else. I obeyed. I kissed His feet. I was totally present in the action of the moment and being allowed to worship his feet and therefore, Him. I did not struggle or question. There was no struggle in my heart. As he pulled me up, the belt tightened and the blackness began creeping in from the sides of my vision. I did not struggle. I trusted completely that he would take care of me. He did so as I knew he would. Over the years he has earned my complete trust. He is my Master. I am His slave.