This week on the Erotic Awakening Podcast, @dananddawn talk about peer mentoring in power exchange relationships.
Plus what to do (and how to avoid) getting stood up by a dom.
Plus golden showers and dating in and out of an age range!
Find all things Dan & dawn at https://www.eroticawakening.com/
Links to mentioned on show:
#powerexchange #mentoring #bdsm
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[1:12] That’s we got about a quickening mentoring getting stood up and showers of gold.
Welcome to erotic Awakening and exploration of all things erotic if you are offended by adult topics or prohibited by law we recommend.
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Still receive every early access to the podcast as well as other perks thank you to all of our supporters we can’t do this without you I don idea that’s going it’s gone pretty well I’ve had a pretty,
busy day and I actually talked to a good friend on the phone.
And she’s like you know you change location but you didn’t change responsibilities you’re still busy aren’t you.
Absolutely that’s a pretty interesting because that person you talk to is somebody I used to Mentor it is oh what a Segway quietly yes we have a.
[2:13] What do you call those channels on the Discord called As You Wish where people get to pick the topics they want us to cover not just people.
Patrons fair Fairly spoken and yesterday we did a parenting while kinky.
Class at the request of our patrons and today we are doing a topic that was requested mentoring.
Nice yeah so they have thrown out some topics out there for us I mean Dan and I present a lot of classes we do a lot of zooms we
teach on power exchange and Paulo we were just on a podcast yesterday to live,
talking about power exchange we were cauldron script and so we talked about all these topics right Polly power exchange sacred sexuality sensual BDSM all that stuff and sometimes we don’t cover topics.
It’s because we didn’t realize,
people were looking for them or finding them interesting and the whole parenting while kinky was one of those so as well as today’s topic which is mentoring and we talk about mentoring we are talking about,
peer mentoring specifically right that which means that if you are a leader a master of top your mentoring other leader Master tops,
if you are a submissive slave follower you are mentoring.
[3:35] Other submissive slaves and followers right so and the reason we talk about peer mentoring and the importance of peer mentoring I like to use the analogy of a steward person
an airplane Stewart and a pilot right if you are a steward.
You wouldn’t go to the pilot to ask them how to push that cart without banging elbows.
[4:02] Down the aisle right or how to push the heavy thing or how to put on the brake or how to you know do all the things that a steward does so because the pilot doesn’t know just like the pilots not going to ask the steward.
How to Pilot the plane.
So you know there’s there’s benefits of all kinds of mentoring peer mentoring is huge for us yeah so and the reality is when I got started in lifestyle I did not have,
Egg large group of people that I could look up to that led the way that I could get examples from and.
Regardless of even if you do have a situation like that having an individual Mentor somebody who you work with that you know that gets to know you super valuable,
for when the hard stuff comes out but let’s step back for a moment so don what actually is a mentor.
[4:57] I mean we see no we’re talking about peer mentors and right but what is an actual Mentor it’s going to depend on who you ask,
for me when I am asked to Mentor other people I don’t have like a,
um professional outline that I make them follow or make them read certain books or make them take certain quizzes or things like that and there are some mentors that do that.
For me I’m available for when they have questions,
right so that’s more what my mentoring is they come to me with what they need help with and then I either
share stories or find resources for them so that sort of thing or I have suggestions what they can do next so but it’s not a.
[5:45] Sort of thing so but we certainly know people that do take that approach more of a programmed approach for myself.
[5:55] I have evolved the way that I Mentor over the years in that I do consider it.
I wouldn’t say I wouldn’t go as far as to say a sacred responsibility but it is certainly a significant responsibility if somebody says.
[6:12] They would like you to Mentor them you know.
[6:16] That’s being very vulnerable of them especially I guess for other you know when tops Mentor tops tops or well I guess I should say leaders mentioned leaders right.
[6:32] A lot of us come in a lot of us nearly everyone I know comes into the lifestyle when they decide that they are going to be a leader whether it’s a master or Dominator whatever.
They don’t have any experience with that and the exam times they say oh but I have lots of experience in the business world or the military.
And often that experience is actually the opposite experience that you want how you lead in a business world and how you leading a power exchange.
Now yeah there’s some overlap but overall there’s a different level of skill sets different ideas that you’re trying to portray and a big part of it which.
[7:11] Kind of influences the way that I that I mentor.
[7:16] That says you know the military background does not particularly have help.
Is based on the way that I’ve been mentored and that is that a mentor is not there to make decisions for you.
[7:29] They are here they are there to listen to you and to make sure you see the options but they will never say or a good Mentor in my opinion will never say you should go left or you should go right.
They will simply make sure that you are considering what going left looks like and what going right looks like.
[7:48] And and on occasion hope to push you along to make a decision the new thing that came to me that I’ve added is that I do.
I’ve become a little more aggressive in that I have expectations if you’re going to ask me to Mentor you.
We’ll talk about do you want to go left or right all day long eventually make a decision go left to right and let’s deal with the consequences,
versus you know what I just decided to do nothing yeah so I’m sitting here writing notes as you’re doing say that because I’m like I don’t have an official mentoring program,
and then it’s like you know I do have three people listed on set that say I’m mentoring them and I have on there that I’m entering them as well.
And it’s kind of funny because one of them is Spanky Ray Spanky Ray I am not mentoring Spanky Ray at this point,
I used to but oh my God she came into her she bloomed right there is shit that she can mentor me and wine at this point right so she’s definitely.
We’re still friends so we like to have that connection there I may bring it up to her at one point that she does not need to have that one there anymore she is is definitely in her own
I don’t even know what to call it but so and then the other ones come a bat right who passed so I’m not I’m not getting rid of that one.
And then the other one is a gem.
[9:12] So Jim is still sleep gem is still on there is being mentored by and it’s kind of weird because I meant to her spiritually
now right but not necessarily in power exchange so she’s gone on a different path so that’s just kind of neat anyway just just a reflection huh so when submissive slaves followers when they come to me wanting to be mentored.
I’m like you it is a sacred thing it’s also a very time-consuming thing so I have to weigh that do I have the time.
To give to people to mentor and I’ll have to I think about that really hard when people come to me and you know what I tell them is that.
[9:54] My job is a mentor the way I see my job as a mentor is to help them work through their emotions,
because a lot of followers submissive slaves have a lot of emotions going on I’m not good enough I’m not worthy I’m not you know all these things right I’m too high maintenance I’m you know and not all of them but
those are looking for mentors that is somewhat of what’s going on right you’re probably helping to build confidence well so am I,
right I’m trying to validate them validate their feelings validates if they’re worthy to take on this role help build their confidence you know have them go to classes go to events go to munches meet real
people not just
take advice from the internet right so you know a lot of that is I try to point out to them their strengths and what they bring to the table and you know that submissive does not mean lower then.
Yeah we’re hierarchical but it doesn’t mean that we’re less than right we just have different strengths and a different role that helps to build a team.
[11:06] Yeah so the actual what a mentoring situation looks like and again for me it’s you make a commitment to meet
every x amount of time whether it’s a week weekly get-together or bi-weekly or monthly.
[11:23] And create that space
where you can talk to each other now my preference is to do this in meatspace but as you and I are already living now
you know with there’s virtual options as well be it over Zoom or whatever create that time that you chat with each other.
And make sure that you actually time block it very similar to when you do a particular kind of journaling I forget the title that what it’s called but.
Even when you feel like you’ve got nothing to say you still have to sit there and write for 10 minutes we feel like a free flow Journal yes yes and create that kind of sitting communication as well right.
I can take a little while.
First I can take a little while to get to the meat but also maybe nothing is going on that day right but you want to build that communication build that muscle that says pick up the phone and call right,
when something does when something does need to be addressed and something is looked at so how do you meet mentors.
[12:27] How well if you’re asking me how I meet mentors.
I never had luck with that at the beginning like you said we didn’t have role models and I was I was needing something specific and couldn’t find it so but in general how do you meet mentors.
[12:43] Um some locations have mentoring programs right offered through their local groups.
But I would still vet I would I would still look into anyone that I was interested in.
Being mentored by but you have to meet people in person would be my guess and I’m saying that with a little hesitancy because of covid covid has not been a commune oh
in person has not been an option for a while now so I guess you could do it through online.
[13:16] And we don’t even know what the world looks like that right it may well be that’s right.
You know for me I love the idea of you meet people at events whether the large Gatherings your local Mast group also if you’re sitting in you know you’re attending maybe some virtual classes.
Is great way as well but what I’m looking for is somebody that’s talking to.
Not to me directly but to me indirectly meaning that there are staying something that resonates with me and I think I can gain from them now like you said we do some wedding.
I like to dig into you know if I come across somebody who’s very well spoken in there like.
Here’s how I mix this and that and I like whoa that’s really really thoughtful and well-spoken.
[14:05] I don’t mind doing a little background check on them I don’t mean a little background check but I’ll go through their FetLife profile and see what forms they’re posting and how they post oh yeah that’s
really important to see how they’re posting and how they interact with people I wanted to throw in there is that if it’s possible
to meet them in person and not just wear their own line mmm
right so one thing I did learn at the beginning was oh my God I looked up to this person I love the way she typed it was so eloquent
and it was so relatable and it was so beautiful and I’m like I want to be like her when I grow up,
and then I met her in person and saw how she interacted with her master and how they actually lived in real life and what she was writing was fantasy.
[14:56] It wasn’t real life and and so I like to know that’s a little bit of the vetting process we’re talking about you know see how they actually interact with people and not how they write because it could be fanfic
you know it’s it was very gorian.
The way she wrote and our house life just was not that so.
[15:19] Want want and then the last thing that comes to my mind is it’s very valuable to have a mentor that not only do you have similar views of power exchange,
obviously right but also if you have some other things in common that’s fantastic as well right so it’s great that you might have similar view points towards discipline and leather but it’s nice if you also.
Also like motorcycles are you also like board games or something like that just to help build that relationship,
because it is a relationship if you want to get the most value out of it you know it feels like it should be a relationship so then when you Mentor people and I know you’ve mentored people over the years do you set a time limit no.
Now it didn’t last as long as it lasts and then it kind of Fades out or they formally ended most of the time it just kind of Fades out yeah so was just wondering okay so don,
you respond to the following questions with so back up a moment.
[16:22] As we mentioned at the top of show we attended something we were interviewed on
pauldron script and we’ll put I put a link in the show notes for that and you know it was a great time we spend an hour and a half talking to cauldron and Mayfair and
but they started off with this thing called 10 licks where they asked us 10 random questions okay I don’t know if he did very well on that,
but so I have some do’s and don’ts for mentoring ready oh no I’m going to ask you a question and you either say do or don’t.
[16:53] Ready I guess play with your mentees submissive.
[17:00] Don’t have sexual intercourse with your mentee.
Don’t have a romantic relationship with your mentee don’t charge your mentee charge like money yes not from entering know.
Talk shit about your mentor.
No well yes you’ve you actually did much better on that thing you did with the ten links I talk too much on the 10 list I feel like you know.
And again we’re talking about with the way we do peer mentoring you want to do you do the thing you have you want to do it
that would be like a guru having sex with ya or charging money it’s that’s just got a funky feel to it so and the reason I hesitated with charging cries because some people do counseling some people do,
coaching some people do things like that and that can be different than mentoring yeah just yeah absolutely and what I’m not opposed to.
An exchange of money for service right but for a mentor.
You also you know it’s separate that from a coach I separate that from a counselor right in that.
I want my mentor that have a similar passion to that I’ve got mats why I want them to be a mentee yeah I’m great.
[18:28] Well boom good stuff indeed Don if I forgot where that link for cauldrons Crypt is and I didn’t feel.
Like looking on the internet.
What is a place I will never find it what are you talking about I think you’re trying to segue so,
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[20:09] Question of the day and if we pronounced it wrong just let us know yes so don’t other than that we don’t have too much else to talk about we did get an email from somebody who asked for advice on.
[20:24] Meeting Dom’s from online unfortunately not meeting Dom’s well right so they said I’m Dan three times now I’ve set up meetings to meet Dom’s,
that believed could be potential Doms for me,
three times they didn’t show up after I took a taxi both ways to meet them in public annoying annoying so and Dan can I just read yours sure okay so from
so we replied and I have replies that I thought were pretty good and a lot of people are asking this now that code that is kind of opening up and people are starting to,
so I meet in person again so you’re going to if you’re going to read mine are you got to do your date impression,
I don’t I don’t do Impressions very well you want to read you all leave I know what you wrote so you can probably condense it.
[21:08] Dear Anonymous getting stuff sucks no doubt about it isn’t a Dom thing as much as a human
or maybe a male thing keep in mind a Dom in the sense you are using the word is just the top it does not reflect actual confidence or skill or leadership self-confident leader would not have stood you up they would have either showed up.
[21:28] Or not made plans or maybe even if they change their mind,
said something exactly so I said like Dan said it sounds like you’re looking for a dumb that is really a top
because there was more information in the delivery room when I shared Dom is used in two ways in the BDSM Community Dom can mean someone that likes to do things which is really a top,
or Dom commune someone that wants to be in a power exchange relationship which may or may not involve kinky play
regardless being either type of Dom involves building trust if they can’t even show up to meet and they stand you up with no word I’d cross them off my list as someone I can’t trust,
therefore they don’t get to play with me or move forward with building a relationship,
unless they have a damn good reason as to why they skipped such as my kid was in the ER or I was in a car accident that type of level of good reason otherwise,
they could have at least texted hell yeah they sound like looky-loos oh sorry this is longer than I thought it sounded like looky-loos on the internet that don’t have enough confidence to meet in person believe me when I started trying to hook up with guys years ago I got stood up,
many times and currently I don’t give Second Chances without a really good explanation.
[22:41] Um I tend to vet people before I meet them.
[22:46] And then I asked then I gave her a bunch of questions that she could ask the person to vet them before meeting them,
like do they belong to groups are there people around that know them have they gone and lunches in the area and met real people do they have real time experience if so what happened to their last partner
assuming they’re not poly right so you know just some things to kind of weed out.
The looky-loos and I’ve had to do that a lot over the years and I basically told her not to settle.
That it may seem like it’s slim pickings out there but there really are some good people she’s just got to be patient to find them.
And that I know how frustrating that can be and I know people are going through sub frenzy at the moment and we call it sub frenzy or slave crazy leave or you know things are things are opening up a little bit and people just want to be with their authentic selves
and hook up with other like mine and it’s very frustrating when you’re stood up absolutely so anyway that’s our advice,
trying to find a new Dom don’t we have three fetishes but there’s only two of us,
so we’re only doing two are we going to do all of them well we’ll divide of them because I think that the first one is going to be pretty straightforward on how do you feel.
[24:02] Actually it’s the second one that’s.
It’s going to be really interesting the third one I’m curious what the start with the first one a lot I’m sure I’ll have a lot to say about each of them not necessarily okay the first one is gags.
I’ll see but I do have a lot to say about that,
because you would think it’s a yes A shove a gag in your mouth but there are some gags I don’t like because I have dental work I don’t do anything with metal in it
like the sexy metal oh ring to keep your jaw to keep your teeth apart I would love that can’t do it I’m
too nervous about my dental work so do I like I don’t even like cloth gags when I think I’m going to cry.
During a scene because when I cry stops up my nose.
So now I have a fear of suffocating have I ever put a have you ever want to gag for me,
I I want to say yes I feel like you’ve stuck my panties in my mouth oh sure sure well that’s all that’s a gag fair enough and we used to have one that was like a little.
Plastic ball with holes in it so that I could breathe so you can still breathe because I had that suffocating fear so gags are really hot,
sounding and looking in the whole drool thing but I don’t usually wear one what are the spider gag.
[25:24] Spider gag I don’t know but the vision in my head no no no I don’t know the spider thing either
if you o podcast listener know what a spider gag is that’s a Spider Guy it says why are we going on there spider gag damn if it doesn’t,
please pacifier penis oh I do love a penis gag so so the second one no spider out
the second one is one that you may be very familiar with all right what do you mean nothing.
You can say the word gerrant oh philia gerontology run.
To filia a treasury I got it yeah but must be a form of geriatrics right so giant philia is an attraction to someone from a much older age group.
[26:18] And then they go to the same a December relationships can fall into this Kink I don’t even know what a maid to December relationship is that’s a,
older person with a younger person you know that’s her no okay I have not do you have a fetish so the question is you have a fetish or a kink.
I’m going to ask it wow see you this evening can go both ways right do you have a fetish of or Kink for much older people me yes you know you don’t get much older than me and still walking.
But you do okay first I have dated someone recently that was 10 years older yeah which I still don’t consider ancient no no she was hot,
but do you have a kink or a fetish for it no no so and I don’t either.
No I’d and,
actually I’m only attracted are seeing to only be attracted up to like a certain age before I’m not attractive anymore but my age keeps going higher so I’m sure that age is going to keep higher sure so the other way I was going to ask the question was do you want to be involved
with someone that has that cake.
[27:31] You would be the older person make me a cougar I don’t know what that would make you I don’t know I’ve certainly been.
The older person with somebody significantly younger than me but I don’t think that had anything to do with I think that the ages,
were ignored they were acknowledged but they weren’t part of the fetish so now I wear some people it is a fetish they like to date older people and usually by a certain amount of years and there’s other there’s another Ophelia.
Darn it I know it starts with an O and it describes a fetish where women like older men much older men’s so and it’s I forget I’ll have to look it up later okay so what about the third one so the third one done is,
golden showers now this is not being showered with gold coins that would actually be pretty painful.
Be paying for yes this is pp play
golden showers water sports water sports yes so so how do I feel about it yeah okay so this could be long-winded and I’ll try not to be so don’t be I’ve got things to do
As for golden showers themselves I’m not particularly a fan right but when you.
[28:55] Did that with me in a shower right after we decided to start this power exchange relationship as a way to Mark me that was phenomenal.
But it was about the marking it was about the power exchange it was a tool it was not about the golden shower itself,
now I’m going to bring a memory up for you okay actually I’m going to mention something else and then I’ll bring up a memory for you so I had a boyfriend
that asked me how I felt about golden showers and when I told him that story I just reminded you of he said no golden showers are off
you’ve already been marked by your master.
You see it as a marking we’re not even going to try it okay so I was like oh cool that’s great because I don’t think I’m truly into it now the memory I want to bring up is is Dark Odyssey.
Remember dark Argosy summer camp and the woman that walked around with the bucket and that bucket was full of pee
all the time she would go around and collect P from everybody we’re in a campground so people would just aim for squat over it whatever and she had this bucket of P because there was someone at the campground,
that wanted that poured over their head they had a fantasy of literally a golden shower.
[30:12] With that bucket do you remember that I don’t remember that but I’ll tell you something you don’t remember from that same.
[30:19] Oh you know what I’m not sure if it was Dio might have been Twisted tryst with somebody who sat in a,
kids waiting pool that was twisted tryst right outside literally right outside the litter box it was right outside the quote lever bar that had set up for that night,
and the leather men loved it she had a roll of toilet paper in her mouth if I remember right,
strapped to her head so that if the lady’s peed on her that they would have toilet paper available I found out.
[30:52] Much to my surprise that I.
[30:59] I don’t know if it was a surprise I couldn’t pee on her not because I was disgusted just because I had a shy penis snow pea yeah it was just same as when I was in the military they said pee in this cup,
that’s like damn man I could pee in a cup of you stop yelling at me for fuck’s sake awesome awesome so there we have it the three fetishes.
Um we’ve been doing a lot of talking about Discord there’s probably a Discord picture of tentacles that I haven’t put on there I’ll have to go back and get caught.
So I’ve also been posting a lot on Instagram so you can catch our picture of the day on Instagram we are erotic,
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