EA584 – Compassionate Polyamory

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[05:21] According to the Dalai Lama, the key to happiness is to be compassionate, to make compassion one of your driving forces. Compassion must begin with self-compassion. People often mistake compassion by believing it entails consistently placing someone else’s rights ahead of our own, rolling over in approval of anything someone else does.

[06:16] When we establish these emotional relationships, this self-constructs with other individuals. It’s beautiful to say that you must unlearn jealousy, unlearn attachment, and relearn anything you were brought up with.

[07:25] As a result, compassionate Polyamory never states, “Do not go on this trip with another person.” It means that when you go on this vacation with this other person, you want to have a great time. But you realize that when you drop a pebble in the water, it creates a stream and ripples. And because this action will have ripple effects, it will affect you and your other poly partners.

[08:33] Whatever the ripples are, they might be anything. They may be jealousy, or envy, or simply the fact that you’re going to miss your partner. They could be anything from an overwhelming reaction to a minor blip that warrants examination because emotions are legitimate.

[10:08] Polyamory is the concept of determining what is fair and equal comes up. That is all well and good, and it should be examined. But rather than addressing what’s the fair thing to do or what the most humane action is, it provides you with a unique blend, perspective, and component of managing your Polyamory.

[15:07] One cornerstone to compassionate Polyamory is that no one is counting in that there is no working out in whose favor. This is the catalyst for gracious action of doing the right thing at the appropriate time without anyone being butthurt.

[17:25] compassion toward yourself entails accepting where you are and continuing to do the work—keeping negativity at bay. If you do not wish to feel jealous, yet find yourself, continue with your work. But refrain from criticizing yourself excessively for it, as this serves to exacerbate the situation. Take a deep breath and continue forward. However, do not berate yourself. You must be courteous and sympathetic toward yourself.

[18:28] Being sympathetic with yourself entails feeling protective. Therefore, it is not a negative emotion. But what are you going to do with it? How can you be sympathetic with yourself while remaining unafraid of being defensive or unhappy with yourself for being defensive?

[19:01] By originating from that place, it appears that you foster that quality in your relationships and attract that type of person to you. Compassion is an excellent way to fake it until you make it. Even if you’re not feeling it, you can act it. It can be an activity where the more you do it, the easier it becomes.


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