This is the beginning of my chapter in our new Power Exchange book….being a survivor in a power exchange relationship…..after this beginning, I will have all the notes from my survivor class fleshed out and added…..can’t wait to get it written!
A lot of people ask me what it’s like to be a survivor in a power exchange relationship. I’m not going to lie, it’s challenging. I came into this relationship with so much childhood trauma baggage that it definitely caused issues at first. I had a shadow self that was locked up deep down and she was running the show without me even knowing it.
I was lucky in finding a Master that had recovery experience and knew the power of shining a light on the shadow so that it can’t hide. He wanted to be in charge of me instead of allowing the shadow to be in charge of my actions.
This isn’t always simple but needs to be recognized. Dan knew the importance of therapy and guided me in that direction so that I could get the help I needed with that past baggage. The Universe was looking out for me when they put Susan, my therapist on and off for 10 years, on my path. With her and Dan’s help, not only did I become a survivor but they helped me work towards becoming a thriver.
That’s how I describe myself now after so many years. I’m a thriver. I don’t let the shadow rule me. When my actions aren’t what Dan expects of me, or what I expect of me, I start using my tools that allows me to get in touch with the shadow, or the stories I’m telling myself. What is going on? What work still needs to be done?
Am I feeling rejected by someone or something? Am I feeling judged? The judged part doesn’t bother as much as it used to, but even with all the work I’ve done, the fear of rejection can sometimes raise its ugly head.
What is rejection to me? Well, it’s not the same as abandonment. Abandonment is about someone who decides to leave. I feel like it’s their decision and has to do with something about them. But, rejection…..that’s more personal. Rejection is about the person judging me as unworthy and then deciding to leave. Or my work being judged as unworthy. Or my contribution to the community or my service to someone being judged as unworthy or not-good-enough. That digs under the skin and sometimes I’ll react before knowing what I’m reacting to. Sometimes that interferes with our power exchange without me even realizing it. I am more aware of my reactions and body feelings so it’s hard for feelings of rejection to sneak up on me anymore. But, I will admit, even after 20 years of doing this self work, it can still sneak up on me.
Let me share the tools with you that I’ve learned over the last 20 years on my healing path and power exchange journey……