Believe it or not, not all Leaders come into their relationships full of confidence and know-how. Dan sure didn’t. I was his first submissive. He was my first Dominant. We learned this dance together. He did a great job showing a face of confidence, and taking risks that proved fruitful for our dynamic. But, there were moments where I could feel a lack of faith in…himself? Our dynamic? These were few and far between, but I could still feel them. To me, it felt like part of my responsibility to help him out. If I was pushing and trying to get my way, mostly at the beginning, I could feel him wonder if it was worth the trouble.
Sometimes Leaders may wonder if power exchange is still desired in the relationship. Vanilla creeps in from all directions and sometimes it’s easier to be peers than Leader/follower. Let them know that you are on board with getting back to your power exchange foundation, andn that it is still important to you.
So, I checked in with myself. What was I doing? Was it worth the resistance I was offering? If not, say ‘Yes Sir’ or whatever your positive response would be. Give them those moments of being right. Give them those confidence boosters. They need this to help them listen to their intuitive voice.
Let them know when something works. I’ve been known to thank Dan after he’s punished me, without it being a requirement. Punishment doesn’t feel good. I don’t like it. But, I will thank him because it’s what I asked for when we designed our relationship. It’s not natural for him, so he needs to know he’s still on the right track, and it’s a positive thing for our dynamic.
Feel the pieces you can contribute to help your Leader find their seat of power. This relationship isn’t just about developing the follower. It’s not just the follower that can struggle with submitting. The Leader has their issues to overcome as well. I feel it’s part of our responsibility to help them out, and let them know just how right it feels from our end.