While we were interviewing someone for the podcast a the other night, they used a descriptor that I hadn’t heard of before in the years we’ve been living power exchange: a permission based relationship.
Well, that resonated with me. A permission based relationship. I had never thought of our relationship in those terms, but it’s definitely a permission based relationship even though we’ve never really described it that way.
I ask permission whenever I do anything. If I’m not asking permission, because I know he’ll be ok with it, I’m at least letting him know what I’m doing so that he can change it up if he wants.
I don’t know that we’ve ever said, ‘we are a permission based relationship’…….though we have said ‘we are a punishment based relationship’. Asking permission has just been the way I’ve been guided. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
When I talk about ‘What Would Master Do?’…..it’s actually because I needed his permission to do something that day I pulled over to the side of the road with bat, trying to get Dan on the phone.
When I took my sister into a Leather store at the beach where she lives, and she say me drooling over a purple collar, she was totally confused as to why I didn’t think I could just buy it. But, I literally had a visceral reaction to buying something like that without his permission. I couldn’t do it.
Hell, to this day, even if I’m buying something for myself with my money, I will usually ask if he’s ok with what I’m going to buy. Not always, because he simply doesn’t care what I buy with my money. But, it’s so ingrained in me that it’s just natural to at least inform him.
I even do that with him in regards to my poly relationships. I don’t need to ask Dan’s permission to do things with my boyfriend. I do. Or like I said before, I at least let him know what’s happening so that he has a chance to speak up.
This is my way of being connected to our power exchange foundation. I like it. I don’t want it to get to where I’m not asking permission or informing him of what I’m doing. If it got to that point, I might as well be in a vanilla relationship. Asking permission and/or informing reminds us who is in charge. Not that we need much reminding.