We just got a request to review a textbook writing on Relationship Anarchy and had to turn them down. Basically, we know what Relationship Anarchy is, but it’s not how we do polyamory.
As a matter of fact, we’ll be writing a class soon on ‘Team Polyamory’. I’m not sure what the title will be just yet, but it’s about how those in the polycule can work as team members. As a team, we help each other out. We use our strengths for the benefit of not only ourselves but the poly group. Where we have weaknesses, we figure out who has the strength to fill in the spot.
There are individual couples within our polycule as well. They work as teams inside the larger team. Dan and I are married. We work as a team. K and N are married, they work as a team. When Dan was dating KH, they were a team and the 3 of us were a team, inside the bigger team of around 10.
That doesn’t mean each individual can’t be an individual as well, but most of the time we look at how our decisions effect everyone in the group.
For example, Dan and I as a team, decided to become full-time RVers. With this decision we knew that it would effect others in our polycule (of course) so as a team of 2 we supported each other and our metas during the move. N supported his partner K during the transition and all of us supported each other.
Last weekend, N and his girlfriend C wanted to go on a weekend trip. So, they decided on South Carolina where Dan and I are parked for a couple of weeks. By coming to South Carolina, they also brought K so she could spend the weekend with Dan. I stayed at the RV with the dog, because my boyfriend is currently in the far MidWest with his wife in their RV. He made sure to keep in touch with me, knowing I was going to be alone.
We worked as a team to make the weekend a positive experience for everyone.
Though, I do like to mention that this isn’t always possible or even what everyone wants. Even for me, when one of my partners starts dating someone that I don’t click with, it’s hard to think about team poly and sometimes doesn’t happen. I back off and let them have their experience and I go have mine. Or sometimes someone comes in and they don’t want to be part of the team. That’s ok too.
But, when it all clicks and everyone is able to pull together like that, it’s pretty special.