I was talking to a University class recently about Kink and Polyamory. During the discussion, they taught me something about myself. While they were trying to understand the difference between kink/fetish and what I got out of kink.
They simplified it nicely.
I’ve known this….but the way they made it simple was great. …..we were talking about kinks and fetishes and the difference. We told them that the way we usually define the difference is that a kink is something we enjoy, but a fetish is something we need to get off. …. ok. We’ve said this for years.
Well, earlier in the conversation we were talking about sex and then kink. I mentioned that I don’t do vanilla sex. I find it boring and it does nothing for me. That if you are going to do missionary with me, you better at least be pulling my hair. I said it as a joke…..though I meant it.
One of the students popped up and asked me if kink was my fetish then. Well shit. I’ve always joked that power exchange is needed in any sex or kink that I do.
So…..why yes…..they are correct. Kink is my fetish. I don’t get off without kink. And I don’t get off with kink unless power exchange of some sort is involved. PE is my kink, kink is my fetish….therefore PE is not just my kink but my fetish. I don’t get off without it.
Yeah I know…..how long have I been doing this? And when I try to explain my connection to kink…..it takes a lot of words and a lot of me talking around things. I think it’s because I feel weird not liking vanilla sex, so hadn’t gotten around to defining my sexual needs so simply. Seems obvious but it was an “ah ha” moment for me.
Kink (and preferably, power exchange) is my fetish. It is a NEED for my sexual pleasure.