(note: D/s, M/s, Authority Transfer and Power Exchange used interchangeably. We started as D/s, moved to M/s, then the term Power Exchange became popular and now ‘Authority Transfer’ seems to be the new term for what we do)
When Dan and i decided to create our life/relationship, more than 2 decades ago….we had been spending time chatting with others in the BDSM/Gor/BBW rooms on IRC…downloading porn from IRC…..read ‘The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty’ and ‘Marketplace’ and ‘The Story of O’…..watched “Dangerous Touch’ by Lou Diamond Philips…..we were going to create a relationship based on the fantasy we had found. Fantasy was all we had to go on. We started meeting a few local people that were into kink. Watched and participated in a Guilty Pleasures demo in a bar that doesn’t exist downtown anymore. But, couldn’t really find anyone living D/s relationship until we came across NLA. Luckily, there were a few people there that had been in power exchange relationships before.
All Columbus had at the time was NLA, which was Leather, not necessarily power exchange. MORAL was created at this time, but it was more about play. So, we created a group called CORDs. Central Ohio Real D/s. And a few of us decided to learn together.
What we found out was that it was hard to live the life of the fantasy we had dreamed of. We started D/s roundtables, High Protocol dinners and small house events and parties. All the things to keep the D/s energy going.
But, we also had kids at home, full-time corporate jobs, a mortgage, family, etc.
Naked slave girl at the door to greet Master just wasn’t going to happen, except when we hosted formal dinners. Always being at Master’s beck and call wasn’t going to happen because of kids being around, etc.
But, we continue to feed our power exchange energy externally. We ran for title. We went to Leather events where we could just be ourselves. We went to kink events, but found that some kinksters don’t get power exchange believe it or not. I LOVE kink events, and we get some M/s energy out of it. But, it’s not the same as a Leather event. The protocol is different. Currently, we both attend an Authority Transfer zoom chat with other seasoned couples. i run a monthly sub/slave chat. We present at virtual events and monthly classes on power exchange.
We also cultivate this energy internally and at home. Though, if someone came into our home and it wasn’t a formal interaction with that person, for example they hadn’t come over because Dan had invited them to be served tea, then He and i would look very casual. At The Space, we’ve even had people tell us they didn’t believe we were an M/s couple because they had never seen Dan punish me.
But, I know who the Leader is and I gladly follow Him. We have a punishment based relationship, but I work very hard to keep from being punished. Just because He can punish me, doesn’t mean either of us want it to happen. In this process I take care of Him and he takes care of U/us.
Where am i going with this?
Oh yes. i wanted to share what a day with a slave looks like.
Like i said, if you walked into our house, for the most part we’ll look like other couples, unless you really pay attention. Dan is working in His home office as i’m working on the house/dishes/laundry/cooking and things to do with our books/cards/podcast/presenting/virtual classes, etc. But, if you look closer, you’ll see that i’m cooking His lunches for the week. He likes to leave His office and put together His own meal, but they need to be available. So, in the fridge is glass bowls with various options. They are all labeled. He doesn’t like the same thing 2 days in a row and He likes variety. So, i’m always cooking. I label to make it much easier to see what is available. My goal is to make it as easy as possible.
Then, you’ll see me restocking the kcups, making sure His favorite is there. That the teas are where He can get to them. That He has healthy snacks. A lot of our day is around food since we are home 98% of the time.
I still write Him morning emails to let Him know what i’m doing with my day, like i used to do when He went to the office.
I make sure laundry is always done and that His clothes are folded the way He likes.
It’s nothing for Him to come upstairs and trap me against the wall, reminding me who is boss. Or to punch my chest or arm. Or smack my ass. All lovely moments.
Sometimes when we go to present an M/s class, He’ll take that moment to put my 18 year old leather collar on. Instant headspace. I have to be careful because sometimes I can’t present when that happens.
And sometimes, He’ll just text me out of the blue to bring something to His office while He’s on a call. Or He’ll text me to walk the dog, knowing i don’t like being out in the cold. But, He tells me to do so, because He can. And when i walk her, i know i’m serving Him.
Hell, when i make the bed, i’m serving Him. Many have heard the story of how i hate making a bed. Doesn’t make any sense to me. You make it, you unmake it. You make it, you unmake it. So much wasted time. BUT, He likes it made. So, when i make it, i think of how He likes it. And that makes what i’m doing special. Instead of ‘making the bed’, it becomes ‘pleasing Him’.
Sometimes it’s not the ritual or the fantasies…it’s the knowledge that we live in a hierarchial relationship on purpose. It’s the living, knowing He’s in charge and i trust Him with all my being to be in charge. It’s knowing that He can ask anything of me at anytime. It’s the energy of the relationship that others may not see from the outside.